In an effort to honor and work through my mini-life crisis, I’ve been trying to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. To Z. He’s the only one who gets to fully witness the honor and the work of this whole thing.
Butting up against the 7-year itch, I feel the need to make sure that we’re really caring for each other because marriage – with a kid, especially – is work. I have never thought of the deliberate work that goes into being man and wife, but now seems like a great time to start living and acting deliberately. Z is great at it, at caring for me – he warms dinner up for me when I’m on my way home from the late shift, gets me a Milky Way Dark (my favorite!) just cause, and offers the occasional back rub when I provide no such service. My little take-care gesture this morning was to program the coffee maker for him. When our butts finally hit the couch after putting ‘Rado to bed, I asked him if he noticed. He did, but he thought what was in the coffee pot this morning was left over from my 4:45 am pot. Huh. I thought I saw a gaping hole, but it turned out to just be a shadow.
It’s tempting to just leave well enough alone – if it isn’t an issue for Z why should it be one for me? Because this is about how I feel and what I think is important, that’s why. Pre mini-crisis me would just walk away, but the whole point is to stop walking away, to stop dropping the issue even if that issue is only concerning to me and no one else. Hell, pre mini-life crisis me would probably ask what we were talking about and then go to the kitchen for a snack. Step 1: If an issue is important to me (even if it isn’t a thing for anyone else), it’s important enough to pursue.