The past few days have been filled with Connor moments that I’ve been eating up like petit fours – sweet, indulgent little moments that I can’t get enough of. Like last Saturday when we went to the wedding reception of a family friend’s and Connor kept grabbing my dad by the hand and pulling him out onto the dance floor so he could watch ‘Rad shake his tush. And that same night, when my little man was getting down with his bad self on the dance floor, although maybe at inappropriate times (I’m sure the newlyweds didn’t mind sharing their first dance with Connor or sharing the floor with him during the cake cutting ceremony and their parents didn’t mind that there was a little bow-tied lad shaking his rump on the dance floor while they were doing their father-daughter, mother-son dances. Nah). Or like last night when he wanted to sit on my lap and held on to my finger with one hand while his blue metal car ran over my homework with the other. And tonight, when he rushed up to my parents’ legs to give them their good night hugs after dinner. Right now he’s the perfect balance of sweetness, independence, awe, and awesomeness. Plus, he still lets me dress him in adorable little outfits and tiny shoes, so we’re rocking the ‘Rado and Mom relationship pretty all right.
I’m still working on being the mother and person I want ‘Rado to remember and learn from. Today was a bad mini-crisis day – every event of the day felt like a mini-crisis in itself. But I’m ready to start over. That’s one of the many magical qualities of sleep; I always feel like I have a clean slate when I wake up. A clean slate means another chance to do better and to do good. Funny thing is, the more I think about trying to do good or do better, the more likely I am to mess up or make mistakes. All roads go back to intuition and the inner voice. Still trying to make mine heard.