Some Mornings

Dear Connor,

All last week we spent the mornings together taking walks while you pushed your blue cart up and down the sidewalk and filled it with pine cones and flowers and acorns, marveling at the squirrels and chasing the wildlife in Lolo and Lola’s yard.  Essentially, we got to spend two hours in the morning the way I would like to spend every morning before we had spend the remaining hours of the day in reality – me at work and us apart.

Friday morning I was feeling behind and overwhelmed so Daddy took you to Jean’s house on his way to work.  I got you dressed and helped you brush your teeth, but as I stood in the doorway of the garage I could hear you saying, “Oh no.  Mama car.  Mama car.  Oh no,” as Daddy strapped you into your car seat.  I smiled and waved as you took off down the road, but once you were out of site I went to your room and cried.  It seems so unfair that life, while it helps us build our relationship and make us US, gets in the way of our relationship, too.  I no longer fear that you’ll mistake your daycare provider for me, but I still envy her for the time she gets to spend with you while, honestly, also being thankful that I have some time to myself even if it is at work or running errands.

When you were an infant I didn’t want to miss time with you because we had to forge that mother-son bond.  These days, I don’t want to miss time with you because you’re so fascinating to watch.  You’re a complete goofball (Daddy and I call you a “Ham”) and oh so happy.  You’ve just started to sit through full-length Dr. Seuss books which even I start getting twitchy near the end of.  You do this hilarious baby-skip thing when you get really excited, like when your cousins came to visit this weekend and you saw them pour out of their van.  Everything is starting to have a name and I’m pretty sure you’re so into Green Eggs and Ham mainly because you can identify the eggs in the book.  When I told you to be gentle after tugging on the curtains you went back and petted them so nicely, which I’m sure they enjoyed.  Since you are starting to understand so much, I hope you can understand that the time we spend apart, while sometimes painful, is necessary.  Now, if we can get rid of me working Saturdays, I think we’d all be a lot happier and better able to deal with the necessary times we aren’t together.  Mama is working on that.

This morning when I sent you off with Daddy I held my breath as I buckled you into your car seat.  Luckily, you gave me a wave bye-bye and I went in the house ready to move on with the day even though I started missing you immediately.  We’ll have the good days and the bad days.  There’s no way to avoid one or the other.  But I take comfort in knowing that we’ll have those kinds of days and every kind in between together.  I love you, baby sweet cheeks.  As Lola always says, “Be good and do your best!”

Love,

Mama

P.S.  This is a picture Grandma and Grandpa took of you the other day.  Daddy doesn’t like it because you’re wearing a Bears coat and you’re being raised as a Lions fan, but you sure you excited!

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